wouldn’t change a thing,

tomorrow, emmy, indy, and i are headed out the door to visit our hubby/daddy. & to be honest, i’m a little nervous. it’s the first time i’ve been back to ‘our home’ since the postpartum depression started & i had to move back home. blake’s come and visited us here numerous weekends, but i’ve yet to go see him. a part of me is really excited to go back because, well let’s face it, three-fourths of my closet is still there… but the other part is scared to go back to the place where i hit rock bottom. i know it’s impossible not to have ptsd, but i have to remember how far i’ve come since then. 
 i have learned a lot about myself, & am more confident as a person & mother because i have seen what i’m capable of. i know i haven’t really talked about my ppd a lot, although i really want to since i think there’s a big fat stigma sticker slapped onto it, that needs to be ripped off like a bandaid. it’s something that no one can really understand unless they’ve been through it before, but i think all mothers can agree that having a child is a lot more difficult than you imagined, and sometimes you think to yourself: no other mother could possibly be going through what i’m going through. & there are a lot of moms who don’t ever really share how they’re feeling. fortunately, i have found many fellow mom-bloggers whom have shared quite a bit, which i am grateful for & think more women should do. just sayin’
but the truth of the matter is, this shit is hard. no amount of babysitting, nannying, or schooling can prepare you as a mother. sure, i knew a thing or two about swaddling & diapering, but the hormones? pshhleeaase… you can’t prepare or practice for that in lamaze class.
with that being said, i am now well aware of how to deal with it should there ever be a round 2. & i am also able to empathize with other women with ppd. the irony of it all is that i’m actually glad i went through all that i did. it has made me into a better person than i was before getting pregnant. believe it. 
& even though it has taken me forever & a day to write this because i have a low-grade-feverish-baby-because-she-just-got-shots-yesterday-strapped-to-the-front-of me, i wouldn’t change a thing.
so tomorrow, we’re off to see our #1 man. say a little prayer?
loyally,
katie 

I’m Still Here!

Hi Y’all!
Sorry I’ve been a terrible blogger. It’s Blake’s winter break from med school so we’ve been visiting with our family for the past two weeks. We’ve been busy, busy bees. But don’t you worry! I’ve been taking TONS of pictures (mostly of my sweet little girl who’s growing like a weed) and I can’t wait to share them. Since Blake starts back to school on Monday, I, too, will figure out get back into a routine and get back to regular blogging. I’ve missed you all so much. (And I’ve been keeping up with you, just not commenting) Thank you, also, for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. 
I hope everyone had a blessed holiday. HAPPY NEW YEAR! See ya in 2011, yo!
xoxo,
Katie

Outta Whack

So here’s what’s been up with me lately…
I’ll start from the top.
On Wednesday, November 17th, Emmalyn was born. We got to come home 24 hours later. Besides being obviously super sore, I was feeling great (despite no sleep). My adrenaline was running and everything was dandy. For two days. I, along with my mom, were really surprised at how mobile I was. I wasn’t even taking the percocet anymore–just motrin. But by Saturday, things went downhill fast. After dinner I felt terribly nauseous and weak. To the point where I couldn’t function. Things just kept getting worse so we called the Women’s Center where I delivered and they said to go to the ER. So we did. They hooked me up to an IV for fluids and anti-nausea meds. All my blood work came back normal. (And in case you’re wondering, my mom stayed in the car with Emmy until I had to feed her. We hated bringing her in the ER!) After a couple of hours, I went home and felt slightly better. But we still didn’t know why I was nauseous.

Emmalyn had her first pediatrician appointment on Tuesday and I didn’t even go because that’s how crappy I was feeling! B was Super Dad and took care of it all. (I love him) We called in to my doctor and they were able to fit us in. They did more blood work, and my doctor said she didn’t know where the nausea was coming from. Great… She checked me out and said everything looked fine. She gave me different anti-nausea meds and suggested I start pumping so either B or my mom could feed Emmy and I could get longer stretches of sleep instead. She was willing to bet I’d feel like a million bucks if I got 5-6 hours of consecutive sleep. So I pumped. And I pumped. And I pumped until I was dry. I had enough to get ahead two feedings. (If you’re a mom you’ll know this is A LOT. Especially in the first week postpartum. The pediatrician couldn’t believe how much I was pumping.)

I got about four-to-five hours of solid sleep, but of course “the girls” woke me up and needed to be released. So I pumped and went back to sleep. I felt like that’s all I was doing. Pumping, being nauseous, trying to eat something, drink like crazy, and sleep. Not fun. Plus, I STILL wasn’t feeling any better. The nausea really had me down.

I can’t even remember what day anymore, but I went back to my doctor who still didn’t have any answers (we ruled out thyroid problems) and so she sent me BACK to the ER because of the nausea. I would much rather be in pain than nauseous!! At this point we were thinking, well maybe it’s the breast feeding that’s making me nauseous? Or maybe this is my body’s reaction to child birth??

The next few days were sort of a blur… I was just nauseous.
Yesterday I went back to my OB and she still said that nausea this long isn’t typical. She recommends I go see a Gastroenterologist. So that’s where we’re at. I’ve been trying to pin point when the nausea happens/what time of day, but it’s not consistent. I was also thinking, well maybe it’s psychological?? Was I having anxiety over my mom leaving? Well, its been several days and the nausea is STILL here. So no, that can’t be it. Emmy is a super easy baby so I’m not having anxiety over her.

I’ve really been trying my hardest to keep a positive outlook. I’ve also been trying my best to get out of the house. With my in-laws here, we ran errands for two days, but I felt crappy the entire time. I’ve heard and read that sometimes women mimic first trimester symptoms AFTER pregnancy, sort of like a “fourth” trimester. I’m hoping that this whole things is just going to work itself out. But the waiting game sucks, yo!! I just want to feel like myself again…

Ordinary Day

Today was basically just like any other day. I rolled out of bed when Blake left to go to class. A new kindergarten teaching position opened, so I got dressed, grabbed my cover letter and resume, and headed out the door. It didn’t seem so promising when I got there, as the receptionist said people have been coming in all day (it was only 10 a.m. when I got there). Back at my house, I parked myself on the couch, watched a little TLC like I do every day, and surfed the Internet. Oh! One glimpse of excitement that happened today was I got a call for an interview for a nannying position. I’m going tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed!!

I wanted to share my first and latest crafty cooking. I made ladybug cupcakes for Blake’s parent’s wedding anniversary. I gave the bugs to them when they came to visit a couple of weeks ago. They’re super cute—if I do say so myself, and not too hard to concoct. Time consuming and messy, but F-U-N! I experimented with the spots (snow caps, mini kisses, M&Ms), but decided the M&Ms worked the best. YUM!



As a fun little gift for Blake’s 1st day of med school, I put together a little survival kit for him:



🙂




The Start of Something New

Well, this is my very first post. I’m both excited and nervous all at the same time because I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve created this blog to keep family and friends up to date on our life on the gulf coast. I think this is a clever way to keep the people we love up to speed with Blake’s successes in medical school, my journey in search of a career, and our new life together.


He’s already into his third week of a first year med school student (or M1, as I’ve come to learn). I’m so proud of him because he earned an A on his first test. Way to go! My thoughts are with him as he continues to prepare and study hard for his next exam—which will be seven hours long!!!! I don’t know how he does it. On top of going to medical school all day, he still manages to play soccer and basketball a few times a week AND spend quality time with me at home.


As for me, I am in search of a teaching job. I have my Bachelor’s in Elementary Education and am working on my Master’s in Exceptional Student Education. I am sure many of my posts will be about my journey in search of a steady income. School is just around the corner, and I want to wish my education girls good luck in their first year of teaching. I know each and every one of them will be a fabulous educator!


I was lucky enough to spend time with my wonderful parents, dogs, friends, and sisters this weekend in Orlando. I couldn’t have been happier spending time with Lauren and Kearstin—they always know how to make me laugh!


Well, I think that about does it for my first post. Phew! That wasn’t so bad after all.