It Ain’t Easy


This whole being-eight-months-pregnant-with-a-three-year-old-thing is no joke! It is rough & tough business! It makes my first pregnancy look like a walk in the park. Really, it was, until about the last month when sleeping was super uncomfortable. 
There are some days when I let Emmalyn watch three hours of Peter Rabbit, just so I can close my eyes on the sofa. And then of course I feel completely shitty for not playing with her instead. But she doesn’t seem to mind. The majority of the time, she’s quite content snuggling up against me. It’s when she starts kicking the dog in the face that I know she’s reached her limit of patience, and it’s time to get my big ‘ole belly up off the sofa. There are days where I feel like I’m Super Mom, schlepping Emmalyn with me to the grocery store and craft store, and even to the park for an hour… all before lunchtime. Then there are days I realize I haven’t even brushed my teeth until I hear my husband pulling into the driveway. But the important thing is Emmalyn and I don’t miss a meal, and we are showered every night.

There are days when pregnancy really kicks my butt: Heartburn, indigestion, acid reflux, sciatic nerve pain, nausea, headache, piercing jabs to my ribs… all mixed together and tied with a bow. It can really bring a girl down. It’s heartbreaking to listen to Emmalyn cry for me to pick her up. Some days I feel strong, and don’t mind; others, it’s just physically too much on my back. It’s hard to tell her our tea party has to be on the sofa and not her blanket that she prettily laid out on the floor because “it’s just too hard for Mommy to sit on the floor.” It’s hard because she’s three—still my baby—and she doesn’t get it.

Every day is different. Some days I can barely find enough energy to keep my eyes opened (even with caffeine), while other days I’m swimming laps at the gym (albeit, rare). Some days I spend hours crafting for the baby’s room, while others I spend watching hours of television on the sofa. But like I said, every day is different. I never know what cards I’ll be dealt with in the morning. I’ve got to let go of the guilt of not fulfilling everything I want to get done on my list, and coming up short of who I want to be that day. You’d think I could cut myself some slack–after all, I’m growing a human being for goodness sake! It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s pretty spectacular. 
Only 53 more days to go…

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